egoose

Dear Journal,

 Although I now reflect from my grave, I feel it important to not let these past few years escape. I will catch the reader up on what happened leading to my death.

Dimmesdale finally looked happier and healthier than ever, following our board of the ship to Europe. In fact, Pearl had stated that she barely recognized him. She said she wanted kiss him - return the kiss he had given her. I did not let her. While the fact that Dimmesdale had seemed happy was a great thing, it also made me feel uneasy. I felt as though we were separated by these changes. Mistress Hibbins approached me, speaking of her knowledge of the Black Man. I did not realize that what she was saying may have actually been truth. She told me that Dimmesdale would soon show his "mark."

I went to listen to Dimmesdale sermon that he had worked so hard on. While I there, Pearl returned after wandering the marketplace with a message telling me to board the ship with only her, for Chillingworth would make arrangements for boarding Dimmesdale. This worried me, but I tried hard not to show it, for I knew everyone was staring me at me.

The sermon was outstanding. As I left the church, I could hear people saying it was his best ever - most true - most real. He called Pearl and me to join him, and mounted the scaffold with us. This was a surprise to both of us until he told us tat God had told him to do this. The crowd stared at us. It was then that Dimmesdale stood, and confessed his sin to the town. He showed everyone his mark, just as Mistress Hibbins had told me he would. People stood in astonishment, and Pearl finally gave him the kiss, symbolizing acceptance, that she had wanted to give him earlier. It was then that he sunk into the scaffold, dying. I asked him if we'd live our afterlives together. His response was that God would answer that question. He died.

About a year passed before Chillingworth, too, passed away. He left Pearl a substantial amount in his will. Pearl and I left town for awhile, and returned alone. I resumed the same work I used to do, working with and for the community - wearing my scarlet letter "A" always.

I now share a headstone with Dimmesdale, where the letter "A" stands boldly with a black background. Of this, I find no shame.

Dear Journal,

I have a lot to reflect on. Arthur and I were able to spend some time alone together in the forest as Pearl was playing, and I came to some realizations. Dimmesdale seems to be happy again, and as do I. We are happy together. While in discussion, I threw the scarlet letter to the ground. At that moment, I felt a sense of happiness and confidence swell over me. I let my hair down the way it used to be, and was nearly unable to let the smile off my face. Thinking of Arthur and Pearl getting to know each other brings the most sincere happiness to my heart.

Unfortunately, Pearl has continued her suspicions when surrounded by Arthur and me together. As she was coming back towards us in the words, she immediately realized that I had taken my letter off. She demanded that I put it back on before she came back to us. She has an infatuation with my letter that I have yet to come to a conclusion about. I put it back, and felt that I was immediately back to the old, sad person that I had been these previous years. She came back to me, kissed me, and kissed my scarlet letter. While I have not yet told her that the minister is her father, I have a feeling that she has already figured that out. She asked if he would accompany us into town, hand in hand. When he refused, she backed off from him and went to the brook to wash off the kiss he had given her upon her forehead.

Arthur went to Roger to tell him that he wished to be taken off the medications. There was undoubtedly a sense of awkwardness among them during this conversation.

The trek to Europe will better our lives together. Not only will we be secluded, but we'll start a new life in a place where Dimmesdale's health will be taken good care of. I know the crew of the ship we're taking, which has facilitated our arrangements. Pearl seems to also have an infatuation with Dimmesdale publicly expressing the love for us that he will in seclusion. I assumed their relationship would only improve with our trip to Europe.

However, while waiting for the ship to arrive, I overheard that Chillingworth would be on the ship too, for it was in need of a doctor. To make things worse, Roger said that he was a member of our party. This has completely ruined every bit of our plan to separate ourselves and live happily ever after. I worry as to what will happen, because Chillingworth must be aware of what the purpose of this trip was. He has ruined any chance of what we had hoped for. When I looked to him after hearing the news, he gave me a smirk - the kind of smirk that only evil men give.

Dear Journal,

I decided to ask Chillingworth to quit being so evil towards Dimmesdale. Chillingworth informed me that the town fathers had been considering removing my scarlet letter "A." However, I made it clear to him that this is not possible. A human could not remove this letter from me. It will fall from me when the time is right. I have told Chillingworth he needs to reveal his identity. I have come to the conclusion that Chillingworth now knows my secret.

            Chillingworth has dug himself into a hole so deep that he has become unreachable, and generally evil. I realize it has been because of me that he has entered this state. I need to admit that the thought of his transformation and it being my fault gives me no guilt. While it is sin, I hate him and have not a care in the world. I found Pearl playing in the tide pools. She had put eelgrass on her chest in the shape of an "A." I noticed this, and we talked a bit about the letter. Pearl, intelligent girl that she has grown to be, has connected the letter to Dimmesdale's habit of putting his hand over his heart. However - I did not go into details. She is wise far beyond her years. Another example of this fact was when we went into the woods to meet Dimmesdale. Pearl asked me about the Black Man. As much as she has urged me about the Black Man, I have tried to shelter her. When she saw Dimmesdale approaching, she asked me whether he was the Black Man, or if there was some sort of connection between his "heart-grabbing," and the Black Man having left a mark there.

            Once Pearl had run off into the woods to play, Dimmesdale and I were alone at last among the forest. We held hands, and I told him that Roger is my husband. At first, he was infuriated. I was able to hush his harsh words, and he forgave me. However, we both fear the possibility that Chillingworth will spread our secret in society.

            One last note before I settle for the night: We have a plan. This plan is to run away to Europe and live happily with Pearl. Now that the secrets are out, I have faced my full punishment, and grown as a person - I feel that it is now acceptable for me to move.

VOCAB:

1. Duskily p 110: dark
2. Usurping p 112: to take over
3. Sedulous p 114: close attention
4. Deleterious p 114: harmful
5. Dexterity p 115 : skill of some sort

Dear Journal,

            I am worried about Dimmesdale. He seems unhealthy and unhappy. I fear he will let out our secret because of the depression that he is undoubtedly facing. He has been giving incredible sermons, focusing in on the topic of sin. Perhaps the reason for this is because he has been contemplating his ultimate and hidden sin.

            Something very interesting has happened. I was at Winthrop's deathbed because I have been assigned the task to make his burial robe. As we left, we found Dimmesdale at the scaffold, and joined him. When Pearl asked her father if he would join us the next day at noon, he said no. He explained that right now was not the time, but at another time. This time was the judgment day. A meteor flashed above us, and we all noticed a red "A" in the sky. It was then, also, that Pearl pointed to Chillingworth - who was standing in the distance watching the three of us. Dimmesdale is curious of Roger's identity. I cannot let out this secret. Apparently Chillingworth was merely making his way home from the governor's deathbed as well. A church sexton found Dimmesdale's glove on the scaffold and returned it to him. However, the sexton seems to have not thought anything of it.

            I have changed the way I live. I do good for people in need, and take part in the society rather than isolating myself from it. My scarlet letter no longer seems to outline the person that I am, and people think that it stands for "able" rather than "adulterer." I appreciate this, because I in fact am very "able." I show people this everyday of my life. Pearl is seven years old now, and there is still something about her that I am unsure of.

            It becomes harder and harder to keep my secrets to myself, and I worry about Dimmesdale, Pearl, and Chillingworth. However, my life seems to be looking better as time passes.

VOCAB:

1. latent p 92- apparent
2. lavish p 93- big amounts
3. celestial p 93- something having to do with sky/religion/God
4. apostolic p 97- something having to do with apostles
5. zenith p 97- no clue!
6. rheumatism - ?
7. betwixt p 100- between
8. obviated p 108- to have disposed of or gotten rid of

Dear Journal,

I have finally been reassured that my beloved Pearl will not be taken from me. However, it was after much mockery. People seem to think she is a demon child. This thought scares me. I had to tell them that the reason I deserve her is because I have learned from my mistakes. Pearl seemed to stand up for me by not answering any questions asked of her. This delighted me. Dimmesdale helped me by speaking for Pearl and I. My child is both a blessing and a curse. Dimmesdale is special to us. I also appreciate the refusal of the reopining of the investigation of the man I committed adultery with. Mistress HIbbins invited me to a witches' gathering, but I refused the invite. Howeve,r I will admit that had I not been able to keep Pearl as my own, I would've attended. Dimmesdale has fallen ill, and roger has been taking care of him. His identity has been kept a secret, but people in societ seem to be catching on to the fact that something just isn't right about him. I worry.

Roger seems to be weary of Dimmesdale. Of this, I also worry. He has a history of nosyness, so I ponder at what he does behind Dimmesdale's back. Pearl and I were out near the graveyard, when she noticed that we had onlookers. She made reference to the Black Man again, saying that he has gotten a hold of the minister.

I wonder what will come of the odd forming relationship between Dimmesdale and Roger.

VOCAB:

Sagacity pg 83: judging

Appellation pg 79: some sort of a title

Unfeignedly pg 73: serious

Contagion pg 79: a bad influence